I’m sitting on my roof, which seems convenient though this is the first time in months of living here I’ve done this. It doesn’t feel like fall much tonight, it’s more warm and the breeze feels nice. The shingles dont feel too great but I felt like I was going to fall apart if I didnt do something. There isn’t much around me, and I still feel caged in and trapped. I feel like nothing is ever going to change. Its quiet tonight, not too many cars. The town seems to be sleeping itself and I’m questioning why I’m not following its routine. What am I even doing up here? Why would I choose such a place to find peace. I want to get out of here so why am I taking comfort in its calmness? I wonder if anyone has noticed I’m up here, or if I’m just as invisible as I feel. How would it feel to get on a plane right now and fly away? Not even bothering to tell anyone where I am. Start new and fresh. But how long until that place becomes too familiar ? How long until I find new people to use and hurt me ? Its like there’s no safe place to hide. And maybe I’m tired of hiding. I like being happy..So why is it so hard to make that happen? It’s an unreachable goal. It always has been. I suppose I should go back inside, quiet these thoughts that are going to drive me crazy. Time will tell.
Dreaming of you hurts, especially the dream I just woke up from. Idk how to comprehend what happened in it
I’ve been fucked over way too many times by people I gave my trust to, it really doesn’t seem like a smart idea to allow myself to get hurt constantly if my trust is broken over and over again.
I’m not complaining.. I do have a lot of things to be happy about. I don’t think people who come and go from my life are a waste of my time — everyone who has left my life has taught me important things no matter how rotten they treated me during the time they were in my life.
I thought I had a couple people I could trust forever.. but it’s just me putting things into something that I won’t get anything out of in the end. But it’s not horrible.. I mean I’ve come accustomed to this after years of reoccurring events.
Mm, well i’m still curious about yourself. If you care about me, I would like to know about you.